It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
