but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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