allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
