Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
