She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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