Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
