oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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