Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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