If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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