I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
