how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
