Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
