Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
