you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
