So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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