Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize