i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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