oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bring me that man meat
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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