not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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