i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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