finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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