see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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