Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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