Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize