never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This is the high leading the old right now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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