just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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