and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
