The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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