So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
