My liver just broke up with me...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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