Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
