Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
my liver is dry heaving
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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