LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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