D3 body, D1 cock
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
