I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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