How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
