It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
