sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.