I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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