do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.