I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.