Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
