It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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