No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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