he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
