I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize