a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
