I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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