saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Randomize
