Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
