I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize