Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
