party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
