I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
