You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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