Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
