Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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