Your face is a jimmy john
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
