she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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