At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You took a bar mat shot.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
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Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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