For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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