You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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