I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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